redvixie 1 mon.agoA married woman confides in her friend about her "dead bedroom""I just miss the passion and drive we used to have in our early twenties," the wife explained. The friend thought for a moment and reached into her purse to pull out a bottle of pills. "My husband and I were in a similar slump a few months ago, but these really helped. Just crush it up and put it in his morning coffee and I promise it will spice things up." The wife takes the pills eagerly and they finish their meetup before parting ways. A few days later, they meet up again and the wife throws the pill bottle back at her friend. "What happened? It didn't work?" The friend asked. "Oh it worked alright," said the wife, fuming. "I crushed it up and put it in his coffee, just like you said. He barely even finished his cup before he pounced on me, threw me on the table, and made wild, passionate love to me like never before." "Then I don't understand; why are you upset?" "Because we can NEVER go back to that Starbucks again."
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There is a man going for a stroll through the woods one day, enjoying the outdoors. In the distance, he hears the soft sobbing of a child. He follows it, the cries getting louder. As he approaches the source of the sobs, he sees a dead man and a woman lying on the ground, the cold in between the two hysterically crying. "Lilly boy, little boy, my god what happened!" Choking back tears, the child went on to explain what happened. "Mom... Mommy and da-daddy started arguing and and... " The man kneeled down on one knee, placing his hand on his shoulder. "It's OK son, let it out." "Mommy slapped daddy and daddy got mad so daddy shot mommy and kept yelling at her about how it was all her fault and he's going to... To.. He was going to make sure it never happend again." He was clearly traumatized, but the man let him finish. "daddy pulled out his gun and... And shot mommy. Then he.... He screamed and threw it. He was crying a lot.... I shot daddy. He got up and said this was all my fault. I shot him again until he stopped moving. Then... Then I heard mommy. She said she loved me.... Then she stopped moving." He was still crying, harder then ever. The man stood up, took a step back. "Do you still have the gun little boy?" The boy shook his head, and pointed over towards a tree. The man retrieved the gun, and walked back towards the boy. "Christ kid.... " he said, unzipping his fly, "this is not your fucking day."
The Police
Because she’s a woman
An abortion gets rid of the problem PERMANENTLY
Cracking open a boy with the cold ones
So women can moan even when they're happy.
Imagine if roles were reversed and it was handsome and the feminist.
...It's called "parkin sans" and it's very difficult to read.
They prefer to drive rincolns
Anal cancer
Guilty
You'd almost think they were black guys.
If you can't find yours after a couple days, it's probably dead.
We're all God's children and I don't know about you, but I've never even seen the bastard...
Put it into airplane mode.
And a condom floats to the top so one says "ok guys, who farted?"
God doesn't punish anyone twice.
A pounding sensation in the ass
free delivery
I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling
-1
He put the flour all over his face, walked over to his mom, and said "look mama, im white!" His mom slapped him across his face and said, go show your father what youve done. So he walks over to his father and says "look papa, im white!" His father slapped him across his face and sent him back to his mother. "Well?," his mother said, "did you learn anything?" "Yeah," said the little black boy, "i learned that ive been white for 5 minutes and i already hate you fucking niggers"
Inherited.
whilst thinking of my sister. "That's a terrible sin," he said, "especially as you have a gorgeous younger brother." ____________ x-post: r/sickipedia
Nigger.
Win or lose, you're still retarded.
Because it's too close to the gas chamber
A Sandy Hook.
I guess they are aimed for younger audience
more jokes Here waiting for you
best dad jokesjokes for adultHere, we’ve gathered the funniest dad jokes, jokes for kids, funny jokes, witty comebacks, and hilarious memes from across the web. Whether you need stress relief, a quick laugh, or the perfect icebreaker for social situations, we’ve got you covered!
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